Intimate Relationships - Part 2

How do you create Security and Safety in Your Relationship?

Do you know what makes you feel safe and secure in your relationship? And have you ever discussed this with your partner? or do you assume to know what makes them feel secure?

In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) we approach all clients and interactions with an attitude of curiousity, that is, instead of assuming information or beliefs, we prefer to ask questions and check in with them to see if we have it right by repeating what we heard them say. You may have heard that looking at the word "Assume" is made up of "ASS" "U" "ME"... meaning that if you assume you could make an "Ass" out or "u" and "me". It can be very ineffective and dangerous to assume especially in your relationship.

When you consider all of your important relationships in life... would you like people to simply assume what you think, feel and believe? or would you like them to ask you and check to see if they have got it right?

Is getting married real security?Neuro Linguistic Programming has a very interesting process in a topic called "NLP Strategies". Strategies are what we do at a very unconscious level from making decisions; feeling motivated as well as ineffective strategies such as bad habits and behaviours. In the world of relationships and love discovering someone’s deep love strategy can be profoundly important in creating a feeling of security within your relationship. The way in which you know you are loved (your own deep love strategy) may be completely different to your partners. Infact, we often do to others what we would like to be done to us, that is, we often project our own deep love strategy onto our partners as that’s what we want from them.

Now it's your turn…

Start the conversation, why wait for a moments of trouble in the relationship. You can build and strengthen your relationship by taking a more proactive approach, and coming from an attitude of curiousity as opposed to assuming you know your partner. Ask questions (and then be sure to listen!).

Here are some question suggestions

You can find out your partners deep love strategy by simply asking this question… (ask the whole question in full)

How do you know you’re totally loved?
a) Is it the way someone looks at you?
b) The words they use and tone of voice?
c) Or is the way in which someone touches you?
What is the one thing above all that allows you to know that you are totally loved?

Whilst all of the above are important and fun – you’ll find that there is one will stand out for your partner more than the others.

If they answered a – then your partner has a visual preference, they preferred to be shown your love – this could be by the way you look at them and smile, they see you love them.

If they answered b – then your partner prefers to be told that they are loved, they will want to hear it from you and would like to talk about it.

If they answered c – then your partner prefers to be touched in a certain way or even could also like receiving gifts and things that they can hold onto.

Look out for Deborah's next blog on Initmate relationships - discoving your "Attachment Style" and how this can impact on your relationship.

Who is Deborah Edwards?

Other Blogs by Deborah regarding Intimate Relationships

Blog - Intimate Relationships Part 1 Who comes first?

Blog - Being Conscious in Love

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